Food TV

Stuff Magazine recently put out a feature on the hottest women of Food Network and considering the type of blog this is, I could hardly resist check it out and seeing if they are ranking things the right way. So, let’s take a look at what Stuff has to say and why the girls in the lineup placed where they did.

10. Ina Garten

She’s not ideal for the one-night hook-up, but once her husband dies, we’ll be the first ones in line trying to move into her well-furnished mansion in the Hamptons.

I adore Ina. I will admit I don’t see her as hot, but she’s definitely cute. I love her smile and she’s got a great laugh. I don’t know that I would put her so low on the list, but at this stage it depends on who is ahead of her.

9. Sara Moulton (Does Sara even have an actual show that’s not re-runs anymore?)

Go ahead and try to deny it, but watch this woman finely chop a ripe red pepper and we guarantee you’ll start feeling a little al dente in the pants.

I can’t speak for you, but I wouldn’t. Personally I would have bumped Ina to 9 and placed Sara at 10, at least so far.

8. Cat Cora

Break through her all-business exterior and Cat is a sexy southern lady who knows more about crawfish than anyone we can think of, including Emeril. Sorry, big guy, but it’s true. Plus, she adds a much-needed dash of hotness to the sausage-fest—we mean that in more ways than one—known as Iron Chef America.

Come on, seriously. How did Cat get so low on this list? She is definitely one of the hotter Food Network Stars!

7. Rachael Ray

She appears in about 40 percent of the shows on the Network, so it’s not hard to get your fix of Double R should you fall hopelessly in love with her. Now if only she would stop using words like “delish” and—sigh—”yummo.”

I adore Rachael and will admit she’s gotten considerably hotter since the beginning. I don’t know that she belongs above Cat though. Maybe a tie, if Rachael is lucky. Her shows rock though. She’s definitely one of my favorites.

6. Ellie Krieger

Her nymph-like haircut and huge smile are almost charming enough to make us want to eat the whole-grain, wheat-germy crap that she cooks on her show. She’s also a well-qualified dietitian and nutritionist, which comes in handy when we want to know what exactly it is about bacon that’s killing us.

I will admit, like all shows I have watched Ellie’s, but there is seriously no way that she should be six. Who decided to put her before Rachael and Cat?! I think this thing was rigged. Maybe she sent them some healthy cookies to sway the vote. Whatever it was the healthy Ms. Krieger is in the wrong spot.

5. Robin Miller

Like Ellie, Robin knows just about everything you need to know about food to keep your torso looking like it belongs in the cast of 300. Her huge eyes and almost Steven Tyler–like smile give her a look that’s sweet, but also suggest that after a night with her you’ll need a few protein shakes and an ice pack.

That’s it. I am absolutely convinced this person is drunk. A.) Robin doesn’t know everything about making someone hot. She knows about making food quickly. This doesn’t involve her being hot. She needs to be back a couple numbers around Ellie still but certainly not this high.

4. Sandra Lee

In order to keep herself looking like a beauty queen, Sandra takes a pretty lazy approach to cooking, which is just our cup of Tetley instant tea. Her ability to take already-delicious food and make it slightly more delicious is the perfect complement to her eerily smooth skin and gym-toned physique. Plus, since she spends so little time cooking, she always has time for a little pre-dinner roll in the powdered sugar.

Ugh. I can’t even comment, but if I did I would tell you that I needed to drink about 16 of her cocktails first. Let’s just move on.

3. Nigella Lawson

Nigella’s British accent makes every word she says seem oddly sexy, and she can fill out a sweater with the same excellence she fills up an éclair. We also admire the fact that she has almost no formal culinary training, yet she takes in a ton of dough (or cake or cheese or any other food and money pun you can think of) telling people what to eat.

Fair enough. I agree she’s a hottie. Of course, with her at three I am curious to see who is next.

2. Paula Deen

Her huge puff of blue hair gives off the distinct smell of fried chicken, and every piece of clothing she owns has, at one point, been covered with barbecue sauce. If it weren’t for her two fratty sons, she might have made it to number one. Oh, and if she wasn’t 100 years old, that would’ve helped, too.

Does this make Paula a GILF? Well, I admit I didn’t expect to see her as number two, especially on this list. She is my favorite female chef on the Network – She’s just not my favorite for that!

1. Giada De Laurentiis

Quality Italian food is one of the world’s greatest pleasures, especially when it’s prepared and served by a beautiful petite Roman woman in a chef’s jacket. Giada’s bubbly personality is amplified by the incredible size of her head, which is packed to the eyes with facts about fresh mozzarella and prosciutto. Plus, we’d like to publicly call out TV Guide for having the audacity to give Giada’s breasts “Jeers.” If you jerks criticize this fine young woman for showing off her fine olive-colored skin again, we’ll totally kick your asses. Or we’ll just use one of the other 5 million better methods for finding out what’s on TV. We’re sorry you had to hear that, Giada, but it’s important you know that we’re willing to defend your honor, and your cannoli, with our lives.

I expected this one and I will admit, it’s a rightfully deserved win. She’s definitely the hottest chef on the network.

If you have a chance to check out the article of Stuff you should. I find it absolutely hilarious that the pictures they chose made all of the women seem a little frumpy. It was the poor picture quality, for sure, but they definitely should have hooked up with some nicer ones that didn’t make the women look like they were taking part in a fuzzy cooking mug shot.

Food Network, Hot Women, Top Ten, Giada De Laurentiis